Posts Tagged ‘rant’

This song is fitting for my current mood. I’m very sad that sometimes it is hard to find self-worth in my personality and talents… When the rest of the world is geared for superficial perfection.

At this point, I think my introspection may have finally caught up to my spewing, loud mouthed, extraversion….  More and more, I find myself at a loss when passing ideas onto others.  Or maybe I just don’t feel it’s fair, because the ideas they are passing back, more often than not, make me feel empty and alone. Who knows how MY crazy makes others feel.  I wonder if it burdens them like passed judgement, or pity… Maybe this is an innate human insecurity… to over analyze what others think of you. 

But how people differ is represented by the ways they cope with never fully understanding where they stand in the world… or to others.  The scary part is the status quo for filling the meaningless void of insecurity.  Artificially produced happiness to keep us from thinking about our unending march toward oblivion.  Yes, I may be rambling about consumerism again… But also, quick fix problem solving that only leads us to the insatiable desires to consume more and care less.  Shopping, power trips, drugs and alcohol, plastic surgery, fame, fortune.  What do people really desire?  Love?  A sense of belonging?  Attention?

Ugh!  It’s so tiring, and I’m certainly guilty of the same. I think in a way, my urgency to be different and unique is how I make myself feel better about feeling… well… different and unique.  I also have a very serious problem with split personality disorder (but that has already been explained in another blog.) Rereading the aforementioned blog, I now feel like a regurgitating hack. 😉

But, ultimately, I need to remember that making people smile, laugh, or feel special is a renewable resource that will never require consuming an artificial, oblivion numbing, means to an end.  ALWAYS try to find the beauty in someone, some being, some piece of nature, some object of character…. rather than some hollow way to accept yourself.

said the emo-weirdo-girl.


Posted: January 3, 2011 in random
Tags: ,

Monotony – Wearisome uniformity or lack of variety, as in occupation or scenery.

So it’s a new year… not much has changed.  Same car, same house, same job, same groceries and laundry piles every week, same scheming back-stabbers and cranky regulars at work, same Saturday night FB posts that I hate myself for on Sunday mornings.  Does anyone else want to pull their hair out thinking of how tiresome the SAMENESS of life can be? 

Not that stability is a bad thing… more like the drone of Listzomania by Pheonix playing on the radio EVERY FREAKING TIME I TURN IT ON!  In general, not a bad song.  I even sort of liked it the first few times I heard it.  And then it was ground into my brain day after day, at which point I start to shut down… turn off my radio… and turn on the weirdest Talking Heads song I can think of.  Ho-hum.

Even that is repetitive!    IE: Sara gets mad a the world, shuts down, turns on Talking Heads… just as she has done a thousand times before.

In a memento mori kind of way, I wonder if any of this monotony is worth it?  I want to be like Office Space guy:

“I hate my job, and I don’t think I’m going to go anymore.”
<So you’re going to quit?>
“No, I’m just not going to go anymore.”

Of course, I would never just quit my job or stop doing the laundry… although, the man might disagree on the latter statement.  But there are so many times I just want to walk away from the tedious things in life.  I’m not lazy… I just don’t think they are IMPORTANT.  It’s the Talking Heads that keep me going.  The Lathans and Rileys… the mushroom chicken quesadillas, the weird looks I get from my husband and the rest of yas when I stop caring what others think about me and let my crazy flag fly, the walks through the park, the murals on the wall.

But alas, I am not doing any of that right now.  Those things may not even make up the majority of my week.  That’s when the daydreaming and slacking begins… when the longing becomes too much to endure. 

Don’t worry, I’ll be all happy and optimistic again tomorrow… which is also my modus operandi.

Forget about the things you want…
Be thankful for what all you’ve got.
~Dan Auerbach

Recently, I’ve started taking Men’s One a Day vitamins. Not because I am indifferent to the lack of extra vitamin D for breast health, but because Peter refuses to take vitamins that his loving wife buys for his gout… and because I wonder how much of the 15 other One a Day series is actually just a marketing ploy. Have you ever thought about how many choices we have in any particular grocery store aisle? It disturbs me. We have ENTIRE aisles of vitamins, breads, tampons, and frozen dinners. And each brand is vying for our product lust via multi-million dollar ad campaigns and product placement… or in the case of vitamins, an onslaught of choices for every demographic (so as not to miss ANYONE.) Breast health, Men’s Active, Women’s Menopause, Kids, Kids Gummy. And don’t even get me started on the hydrogenated nightmare that is the new mainstay of our kitchen cabinets.

How much of our consumerism is mandatory? I am troubled that people think less about necessity and more about desire… and that big business is the one profiting from the brainwashing of America. I guess this has always been so in accordance to status. The more wealth you have the more lavish and desirable your lifestyle. When is it enough? Is the new American dream to have a speedboat, a mansion, a luxury vehicle, and a business conglomerate? What is going to happen to the simple joys of Middle-America? The freedom of not being controlled by the buck?

I stumbled upon this quote, and it pretty much sums up what I think is wrong with people who oppose my opinion:

Greed: A word commonly used by liberal, low achievers, anti-capitalists and society’s losers, to denigrate, shame and discredit those who have acquired superior job skills and decision-making capabilities… ~Neal Boortz

Am I lazy and irresponsible because I do not wish to feed the insatiable beast of big business? REALLY? What a terrible way to look at the world… that everyone less fortunate than you (less money hungry) must not be trying hard enough.