Archive for the ‘random’ Category

This song is fitting for my current mood. I’m very sad that sometimes it is hard to find self-worth in my personality and talents… When the rest of the world is geared for superficial perfection.

At this point, I think my introspection may have finally caught up to my spewing, loud mouthed, extraversion….  More and more, I find myself at a loss when passing ideas onto others.  Or maybe I just don’t feel it’s fair, because the ideas they are passing back, more often than not, make me feel empty and alone. Who knows how MY crazy makes others feel.  I wonder if it burdens them like passed judgement, or pity… Maybe this is an innate human insecurity… to over analyze what others think of you. 

But how people differ is represented by the ways they cope with never fully understanding where they stand in the world… or to others.  The scary part is the status quo for filling the meaningless void of insecurity.  Artificially produced happiness to keep us from thinking about our unending march toward oblivion.  Yes, I may be rambling about consumerism again… But also, quick fix problem solving that only leads us to the insatiable desires to consume more and care less.  Shopping, power trips, drugs and alcohol, plastic surgery, fame, fortune.  What do people really desire?  Love?  A sense of belonging?  Attention?

Ugh!  It’s so tiring, and I’m certainly guilty of the same. I think in a way, my urgency to be different and unique is how I make myself feel better about feeling… well… different and unique.  I also have a very serious problem with split personality disorder (but that has already been explained in another blog.) Rereading the aforementioned blog, I now feel like a regurgitating hack. 😉

But, ultimately, I need to remember that making people smile, laugh, or feel special is a renewable resource that will never require consuming an artificial, oblivion numbing, means to an end.  ALWAYS try to find the beauty in someone, some being, some piece of nature, some object of character…. rather than some hollow way to accept yourself.

said the emo-weirdo-girl.

Dead Coyote

Posted: July 18, 2011 in poems, random
Tags: , ,

Dead Coyote pup in the road
that had followed his mother many times before.
Why have you fallen prey to the vehicles of man?
An insatiable appetite from easy meals,
tiny purse dogs and lazy fat cats…

Where will your spirit go, trampy pup?
Will it reside with thieves and underdogs,
forced to the tree peppered outskirts of ravaged lands…
Or in the mowed alien fields of suburbia?

Yes, they will help you survive little dog.
The pleasures are many, 
easily taken by all who reside.
Without proper gratitude to upturned trees,
and extinct wild grasses…
never again dancing with the breeze.

One Crepe Myrtle
Two Crepe Myrtles 
3 Crepe Myrtles
Four…  Knockout Rose.

You are a shadow in the night,
whispered into misread warnings of dawn people.
Yelping and screaming,
you dispel such nonsense… 
only to fuel fear in reputation.
You don’t belong here little coyote,
necessities are better off respected.

Please
Please
Please
Follow your mother,
back to the wood.
For I fear to be the only mourner…
as the turkey vultures rejoice in your demise.

Grubbs Infiniti – work photos

Posted: March 21, 2011 in random


You can find Grubbs Infiniti at the following links:
www.facebook.com/grubbsinfiniti
www.twitter.com/grubbsinfiniti

I’ve been spending a lot of time lately thinking about hipsters.  This is mainly due to the fact that an elementary school friend and I have been sending each other funny ‘hipster’ links back and forth… often featuring a shared  hatred toward the band Nickelback.  When I showed one of the aforementioned links to my brother and sister-in-law (the ones that call me ‘the modern day hippie’)… they failed to see the humor in the link and I was met with a few disturbed looks and the following line of questioning:

“What is a hipster, Sara?”

I replied, “Someone who wants to be cool by being uncool and NOT mainstream.”  I should have stopped there, but my word vomit continued: “Like an anti-establishment arty college kid that listens to weirdo music and dresses uncool.” 

 “So basically, like you?”

“Um… I’d say I’m more of a ‘wanna be hipster.’ I’m not a very brave dresser. [translation: cool/uncool dresser]… And I have a needy desire for constant approval and socialization.”

At this point, Peter starts to roll his eyes, and I realize that I’ve started to sound more like a cheerleader than a hipster.  My stomach turns… not from a disgust towards cheerleaders, but from a disgust for society’s labels making me feel like a two-headed psycho-hose-beast with split personality disorder… and for spending ANY amount of time contemplating my IMAGE at all.

I should change the name of my blog to: DOES EVERYONE FEEL LIKE THIS? subtitle: The dichotomy of my personality splitting my psyche in two on a daily basis for your reading and viewing pleasure.  Or maybe, NARCISSM! subtitle: Inordinate fascination with oneself. Or better yet, maybe I should spend much less of my ‘writing time’ thinking up weirdo FB status updates and/or writing self-involved blogs… and more time writing poetry and/or lyrics.

 Truth be told, I love obsessing.  I’m an obsessive, narcissistic, non-conformist self-deprecating Audiophile-Xenophile-Philomath [feel free to google/wiki/dictionary ap here]… with an insatiable compulsion to spazz out on stuff that I think is cool, and a need to incessantly talk about the BS internal conversations that I have with myself. 

Yes, I think hipsters are cool… even though, I’m certainly not ‘cool’ enough to be one.

the funnies:
Superhero Hipsters

Bullied by Hipsters

Coming Soon to MTV: Hipster Shore

The Obsession Continues

Posted: February 5, 2011 in nature, random

The memories we’ve buried
Have just taken seed
When springtime comes
They’ll turn into weeds
And they’ll creep through your window
to smother your dreams
~DR. DOG – THE BEACH

I love Elton John.  A LOT.  And I’m sort of mad that I’m actually in love with someone named Bernie Taupin who wrote ALL of my favorite Elton John songs.  I knew Elton John didn’t write his songs, that’s not the point.  The point is, TODAY, in reality, I hear what a stretch it is to believe Elton John singing in his magical voice about leaving society hounds to go back to the plough… or pirate smiled blue jeaned babies.

I’ll be optimistic here, and say that I do still believe in the cheesy 80’s movie endings… OMD playing If You Leave on a 7 minute loop until the Duck tells the girl of his dreams (you know, the one he has subsequently been stalking up to that point) that she should GO!! GO to the man of her dreams and not ruin the moment… with an omniscient view of how everything will turn out as the stars intended.  Yes, maybe Kristy Swanson making bedroom faces at him helped a little.  But we don’t get to see sweet nerdy Duckman’s happy ending, do we?!  You should have picked him John Hughes!!! ….er um, Molly Ringwald… er um, whatever your name was in that movie.  God, I’m such a sucker for movies with a record store… ANY movie with a record store.

I think most of my ‘after 30’ blog posts have, in large part, been about feeling old.  Coming to terms with not being a child, but still feeling like a child.  Growing up and realizing that I still want to believe all the bullshit I believed when I was that naive, under 30, dreamer.  I still live with my head in the clouds… my scatter-brained idiosyncrasies spilling out all over the floor when I trip over the responsibilities of being a functioning member of society. 

I don’t want to feel like the dream is dying.  I want to keep living in a childs eye of things.

When I was putting my boys to sleep last night, as we were listening to a Paul Simon song, they asked me what Hearts and Bones really meant.  I smiled with the pride of a mother who has two little boys that are actually interested in 1: Paul Simon and 2: Lyrics.  It’s amazing that I have more stimulating conversations about music with my babies than most other people. 

I thought about how to answer and I said, “Well… people say the heart is where all your emotions come from, and your bones hold up your body and help you to move along.  Without heart you wouldn’t be a whole person… no love, hope, or bravery.  You wouldn’t have much to move for, would you?” 

Lathan’s reply?

“And without heart you would die… because your body would have no blood.”

And that, my friends, is perspective. 🙂

Ho-hum

Posted: January 3, 2011 in random
Tags: ,

Monotony – Wearisome uniformity or lack of variety, as in occupation or scenery.

So it’s a new year… not much has changed.  Same car, same house, same job, same groceries and laundry piles every week, same scheming back-stabbers and cranky regulars at work, same Saturday night FB posts that I hate myself for on Sunday mornings.  Does anyone else want to pull their hair out thinking of how tiresome the SAMENESS of life can be? 

Not that stability is a bad thing… more like the drone of Listzomania by Pheonix playing on the radio EVERY FREAKING TIME I TURN IT ON!  In general, not a bad song.  I even sort of liked it the first few times I heard it.  And then it was ground into my brain day after day, at which point I start to shut down… turn off my radio… and turn on the weirdest Talking Heads song I can think of.  Ho-hum.

Even that is repetitive!    IE: Sara gets mad a the world, shuts down, turns on Talking Heads… just as she has done a thousand times before.

In a memento mori kind of way, I wonder if any of this monotony is worth it?  I want to be like Office Space guy:

“I hate my job, and I don’t think I’m going to go anymore.”
<So you’re going to quit?>
“No, I’m just not going to go anymore.”

Of course, I would never just quit my job or stop doing the laundry… although, the man might disagree on the latter statement.  But there are so many times I just want to walk away from the tedious things in life.  I’m not lazy… I just don’t think they are IMPORTANT.  It’s the Talking Heads that keep me going.  The Lathans and Rileys… the mushroom chicken quesadillas, the weird looks I get from my husband and the rest of yas when I stop caring what others think about me and let my crazy flag fly, the walks through the park, the murals on the wall.

But alas, I am not doing any of that right now.  Those things may not even make up the majority of my week.  That’s when the daydreaming and slacking begins… when the longing becomes too much to endure. 

Don’t worry, I’ll be all happy and optimistic again tomorrow… which is also my modus operandi.