Everyone knows that going to the DMV is about as fun as going to get a cavity filled. Long lines, scary people, employees that look as if they would rather spit on you than help you… not to mention the eye press that probably has bubonic plague germs all over it, and the awkward picture that you will never want to show another living soul. So you might possibly understand why I have not updated my license in 8 years even though I have moved 3 times and had a name change in ’02 after my wedding. But since my birthday is around the corner and my license will expire effectively thereafter… I am no longer able to procrastinate.
Decidedly, I dropped the kids off at school this morning because I didn’t want to be THAT lady that brings her two kids to the DMV to annoy the hell out of everyone else. I then drove to the midcities DMV and immediately groaned when I saw the parking lot full of cars… and then had to drive around again because, OF COURSE, there were no front-row-joe parking spots. I get up to the door and see the big bold sign that reads, “CASH or CHECK ONLY!” So then I marched my ass back out to my car and drove another 10 minutes away to go to an atm at my bank. But guess what? They don’t have a motor atm so I drive around the building AGAIN to park, and I go up to the atm on the side of the building. It’s flashing: ‘Sorry for your inconvenience but this atm is not in service.’ I then proceed into the building to stand in line for a withdrawal… I get my cash, drive back to the DMV, and then stand in line to wait to talk to the lady that wants to spit on me… but unfortunately the family of 5 in front of me is having some confrontational issues with the info clerk. So I wait.
When it was my turn you would think the clerk would look absolutely thrilled that I actually had my updated social, proof of residence, and my marriage lisence. She did not look thrilled. I am shuffled over my appropriate paper work and sent to the germ station that has black smudgy masking tape holding the pens to their chains. I then look around to choose which sociopath I would feel the least uncomfortable sitting by, and take my seat. Number 65 is on the screen, I am number 84. Apparently, half the people that walk in after me don’t know about the magic screen and the rules of waiting your turn and instead go stand in the photo line, only to be sent away shortly after.
82 rolls around and I’m getting excited. The clerk then calls out, “number 84 and 85”, so I’m even more excited thinking I’m next to stand in the photo line. But as I walk up this big huge dude wearing a Ghostbusters t-shirt, with a pointy beard, nose ring, and sleeve tatoos, stands in front of me. I must have looked pissed because he smiled and said “It’s ok, I’m 83,” and he shows me his number. Then we both laughed and he said, “You were ready to fight me weren’t you?”
I said, “Yes, I hate the DMV and I had to turn around and go get cash.”
He laughed and chatted with me for a bit and then the guy in front of him finally turns around and says, “Well, I’ve had the worst day EVER! I took my car in for an oil change and then watched them wreck it into the side of another vehicle when they brought it around. Then when they took me to the rental place they told me my license was expired and that I would have to renew it to get a rent car…THEN the rental company drove me here and I didn’t have a check or cash either! So now I’m back, and the rental company guy is waiting for me in the parking lot.”
So the moral of my story is… someone is always having a crappier day than you, so count your blessings. Or atleast laugh at the situation instead of crying, because it makes for a damn good story later.
Oh, and right after guy 2 chimed in… the crazy lady in front of him turns to us and says, “Well, I just realized I’m wearing the same exact blouse that I had on 8 years ago for my last DMV photo.”